A Very Hellsing Christmas
by Lyoko498
Summary: One-Shot Christmas at the Hellsing Manor. Presents, guests, and mental scarring! Read it or Alucard will send Season's Beatings! Implied Seras x Alucard


A Very Hellsing Christmas

(A/N: Hey guys, just a Christmas story. So here's a few heads-up. 1) I'm new to Hellsing, so forgive me for inaccuracies, 2) This is based on the Anime and what little bit I saw of the OVAs and 3) The characters might be out of character for the sake of humor…or my attempt at so. Enjoy, R&R and Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Holidays and thanks for reading this. Lyoko498)

Seras Victoria sighed as she walked around the city, back to Hellsing Manor. She loved this time of the year. Her breath visible from her mouth, with snow crunching under her boots. She walked past the gates and up to the door.

She sniffed the air, a familiar sent of a particular human. She took out a pistol (which she carried since she couldn't carry a _gigantic rifle_ around the streets of London.) and pressed herself against the wall.

From the corner called out Walter, "Hello Ms. Seras!" Seras shushed him and said, "How did you see me? I'm pressed against the wall?"

Walter chuckled and said, "I'd rather not say," Seras quickly understood and said, "Bug off…! Perv."

She kicked the door open and aimed her gun. Just as she thought, Alexander Anderson. "Huh?" said the priest as Seras emptied a clip into the man's torso and head. "What the hell is wrong with you?" the man shouted.

Seras wasn't paying attention, reloaded and repeated, completely oblivious to the fact that her master and his master was in the room. "Uh Seras…" Integra started, putting her glass of eggnog down on a table. Alucard shook his head. With his telepathy he commanded, 'Enough Police Girl! Cease Fire!'

Seras muttered, "Yes Master." After leaving her hypnotized trance she held her gun up and asked, "What the hell is he doing here?"

Alexander sat in a near-by chair and said, "Well, it's actually simple. While Iscariot is part of the Vatican, and you're all he… I mean Protestants, we still believe in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so long ago our respective parties agreed that every now and again we put our differences aside to celebrate this glorious holiday."

Seras then simplified in a question, "So since we're both Christian we aren't going to kill each other for the next two days."

"Twelve," corrected Integra. "Oh…" Seras said, embarrassed. "Uh, sorry." Anderson laughed and said, "All is forgiven…until Christmas is over, after which I'll kill you as the…"

"Anderson!" snapped Integra. "Sorry, force of habit." Alucard, poured a cup of eggnog and secretly poured something in it and handed it to Seras. "Oh, thank you Master." Seras replied. She was about to take a sip when she smelled something odd. "You added blood in this didn't you?" Alucard smiled and said, "Can't blame a guy for trying can you?" Seras handed the glass back to Alucard, who drank it all in one gulp.

Alucard lead Seras to the dinning hall, where the food was all prepared. The group sat down and quickly said Grace before eating.

Walter (who walked out of the kitchen and joined them) asked, "Enjoying that ham Alucard?"

Alucard swallowed the piece of ham and said, "Yes, nice and bloody, fresh from the slaughterhouse right off its bone, just the way I like it." Alexander lost some of his appetite after Alucard's vivid description.

Integra then said to Alexander, "You'll get used to it." Seras ate her piece of turkey and asked for a twelfth serving. "Be thankful you're a vampire, or you won't be voluptuous anymore, just fat." Alucard said, leaning towards his fledgling.

"Hey!" Seras muttered. Integra then said, "Alucard, please be nice, it is the holiday season after all."

"Fine," Alucard replied, rolling his eyes. Walter then said, "I'm glad you're enjoying your meal Victoria." He then turned to Anderson and said, "I have another turkey, think you can carve it with those swords of yours?" "Oh of course."

When they were done eating it was an hour till midnight. "Well it's almost time to sleep, but first we get to open one gift." Integra said, walking to the tree.

Each person picked one gift. "So how do we do this, oldest to youngest?" Seras asked, remembering her father saying that's how he and her uncles did it.

"No, Alphabetical Order," answered Alucard. "You're first Anderson." Anderson opened his box, which was wrapped in green paper from Integra. He tore the paper off and found a rectangular case.

He lifted the lid and was amazed. "Collapsible swords! I've been trying make these since I joined the Vatican! How'd you make them!"

"I had one of my sword experts make it, I thought you'd like it." Integra said with a smile. "You're up vampire." Anderson said, facing Alucard. "No, please let the ladies go up." Alucard suggested.

"Well thank you Alucard." Integra stated, bowing slightly towards the vampire. Her gift was from Seras and was wrapped in pink paper with little white kittens. She looked at Seras and asked, "Kittens? Seriously?" Seras shrugged and said, "But they're adorable!"

Integra chuckled and opened the gift, revealing a brown wooden box. She lifted the lid and found thick brown papers and a variety of tobacco leaves. "A custom cigar kit? Thank you Seras."

"Here's one to me from Master Integra." Alucard said, gently using his fingernail to remove the silver paper. He opened the side facing him. His face changed from neutral to shocked, then slightly scared. Integra smirked. "What is it Alucard? Don't you like my gift?"

Anderson then leaned towards Alucard and asked, "What did she get you?" Alucard tilted it to allow Anderson to see his gift.

Anderson then muttered, "Uhg! It's horrid!" Alucard then said, "It's the worst thing known to man…The Complete Twilight Saga box set!"

Anderson then fainted.

Now it was Seras' turn. It was from Alucard. 'Knowing Master it's probably something to demean me.'

'I heard that Police Girl!' 'Get out of my head!' 'Fine.'

Seras was surprised that the paper on the thin box was covered with puppies. She looked at her master with a curious look on her face.

"What?… You love cute things." Seras tore the paper off and revealed a little black box.

Inside the box was a silver necklace with a blue gem. "My god… it's beautiful…"

Alucard smiled and said, while rubbing his neck, "Well, I wanted to give you nothing, but Integra said you were deserved something better."

"I don't know what to say… thank you Master." Seras said, awestruck by its beauty.

"Well we should get to bed" Integra stated, yawning "I'll call the Vatican to pick up Anderson." Walter said, walking to a phone. "Wait, why are we going to sleep Master? Don't we sleep in the day?"

"It's tradition." Alucard answered.

So everyone slid into bed and/or coffins, as visions of sugar plums and/or mangled corpses danced in their heads.

It was midnight when Seras realized, "Oh no! I forgot to get Master a gift!" She opened her coffin, grabbed her coat and stormed out of the mansion to see if she could find anything for her master.

"What would Alucard want? Guns? No he has hundreds of them. What would he want?" She wanted to give Alucard something special. All and all he was a decent master, he cared for her…sort of. He trained her. What then something that struck Seras that very moment, something she never thought of before.

He had faith in her abilities, and never just gave up on her. And how he wanted her to eat blood. Sure she doesn't want to but, he was trying just to keep her vampire body from failing.

She then walked past an antique store and noticed two things in the window, she recognized one of them, and knew he would love it.

It was Christmas day. Seras felt it was her responsibility, as the youngest of the group, to obnoxiously wake everyone up.

"Alucard! Wake up it's Christmas! Come on wake up!" Seras yelled as she shook Alucard's shoulder. Alucard grumbled, "Oh god Police Girl. I'm up, I'm up!"

Alucard placed his hat on his head and watched as his fledgling skipped up the steps. "I'll admit though, I like the enthusiasm."

Seras then shook Integra awake, "Come on Integra! It's Christmas!" Integra woke up to see the blonde over her, and said to her in a sing-song voice, "Good mor-ning!" Seras smiled, revealing her teeth. Integra chuckled and replied, "Good morning Seras, now please get off me." Seras hopped off her bed and ran towards Walter's room.

"Uh Seras!" Alucard tried to warn, but Seras was already running away screaming. "He was in the buff wasn't he?" Integra asked Alucard. "Yep," Alucard responded, "That would mentally scar even _me_."

After Alucard sent Seras therapy for an hour, they all returned home and sat by the tree. "You first Walter, it's from Seras, she got them on the way home." Alucard said, handing him.

He opened the package and found some pajamas. "Please…" Seras begged, shivering slightly.

Alucard then handed his gift for Integra. It had some spots of blood on the corners. "I had a _bite_ to eat." Alucard explained. Integra tore the wrapping off the present. Inside was a certificate in a picture frame.

"It's a lifetime pass to Buffy-Con, the convention for vampire hunters! I love it! Thank you Alucard!"

Seras handed a second gift to Walter from Alucard. Walter opened the gift and found a shiny string. "Uh…piano strings?"

Alucard responded, "You know, so you can cut people up with it, in case you're in a tight spot." "Oh, well thank you Alucard."

"Hey Alucard, there's two for you from Integra." Seras said, handing Alucard his gifts. "Alright, let's see what they are."

Alucard tore the first gift open, then looked at Integra and asked, "What did I do to deserve this?", while holding up a Team Edward shirt. "Because I know you hate Twilight."

Alucard then asked, "The second one is Twilight-related too isn't it?" "Nope, I actually think you'll like it."

Alucard opened the second gift and picked up a large magnum. "Nice. Thank you Master Integra. And it's from Texas! These are next to impossible to find, let alone buy and own!"

Alucard handed Seras a medium sized box, "From me Police Girl." 'Now I _know_ this will demean me.' Seras thought. 'Just shut up and open it!' 'Get out of my head!' 'Alucard! What have I said about telepathy during the holidays?' 'Sorry.' "DEAR GOD, EVERYONE GET OUT OF MY HEAD!" Seras yelled.

"Just open my gift already!" Alucard snapped. "Alright, Alright!"

Seras tore off the paper and opened the white box. Inside was a beautiful sapphire dress. "My…Alucard, how…why…"Alucard leaned back slightly and answer, "Well again, I wanted to give you nothing, but Integra insisted…"

Something told Seras he was lying and genuinely bought these things on his own accord. Integra then whispered, "I'm sure you're finding out that Alucard is full of bull. I had nothing to do with it. Hell he tore a man's arm off for trying to steal it from him."

Seras was truly touched. Alucard looked at the two and asked, "What are you two talking about?" "Nothing Alucard." Integra smiled.

"Uh, Alucard, I hope you like mine, here." Seras said handing her gifts to Alucard.

Seras gave him a long gift and small gift. Alucard grabbed the long one first, he shook the box. "I wonder what it could be?"

Alucard opened the box and found a long wooden spike. "It's a stake, like I used to use on my foes! I can't wait to use it Police Girl! Thank you!"

"Open the other one!" Seras practically begged. "Alright, alright. Be patient."

Alucard gently tore open the gift. He just stared at it, shocked, stunned in that position. "I-It can't be…can it?" Tears of blood slid down his cheek. Seras began to regret her gift. "M-Master? Are you alright? I-I'm sorry, I just thought…"

Alucard walked over to Seras and embraced her, and kissed her cheek. "Thank you Police… Seras Victoria. I love it." Seras eventually returned the embrace. Walter and Integra looked over at the gift. It was a painting of Ilona Szilágyi, his third, most beloved wife when he was Vlad the Impaler.

"Thank you. They are the best gifts I've been given in over three centuries… no offence Master."

Integra smiled and said, "None taken Alucard. But you're going to hate Walter and me for this." "Huh?"

Alucard and Seras looked up and saw a green plant over their heads. "Mistletoe." Seras looked away, flushing slightly.

"Well, it's tradition…" Alucard started, "Just so you know, I only like you as a friend Police Girl."

"Uh, yeah, of course. I get it… no problem." Seras studdered.

So Alucard leaned forward and gently kissed Seras' lips. Seras eventually returned it. When Alucard was finished, Seras opened her eyes and said, "Merry Christmas Master."

"You too Police Girl."

(A/N: Yeah, I know, ending gave you all diabetes, I know, but I need _some_ kind of Christmas-y feeling in this story. So again, happy holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and if I forgot any, sorry. Again happy holidays everybody. Thanks for reading. Lyoko498.)

(P.S.: Don't ask me how a Antique Shop got a hold of a stake similar what Vlad III the Impaler used and a painting of an old Monarch roughly the size of a photograph and fits in a picture frame.)

(P.P.S.: Don't ask me how Integra got a hold on a horrible book series from the future and how Alucard knows about them.)

(P.P.P.S.: And don't ask me why the vampire hunter's convention is called "Buffy-Con".)


End file.
